MARRIED LIFE

MARRIED LIFE

MARRIED LIFE - MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING !!

************ ******

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although
very much in love,

Couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered.

"I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different
kinds of beer,

Brands from 12 different countries:  Germany, Holland, Japan , India , etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was,

"Yes, Lollipop... But at the bar... You know... They have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying,

"You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?"

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that

She was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said,

"Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that
are really delicious...

I won't be long.  I'll be right back.  I promise.  OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?"

She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But my sweet honey... At the bar.... You know there's swearing, dirty
words and all that.."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?

LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT!   SIT YOUR BLOODY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP,
DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE
YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT
IT, JACKASS?"

And...they lived happily ever after.

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Farmer's Tractor ,Potential & Reality,Pretty Woman in West Virginia ,Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors

    Farmer's Tractor    
               
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Perhaps Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will stage a benefit concert outside my barn to raise funds to replace the missing machinery.


    Potential & Reality    
               
A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."


    Pretty Woman in West Virginia    
               
What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A tourist.


Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors    
               
1. Gangrene 2. New Car 3. Burn Victim 4. Dimetapp 5. Sand 6. Taxi 7. Grandma 8. WD-40 9. Substitute Teacher 10. Cigarette